Sunday Night Anxiety Isn't About Monday, It's About Your Worth
Let’s set the scene, it’s Sunday evening, you’ve had your roast dinner, perhaps done a long walk with your dog and now you’re trying to relax, in fact you tell yourself, you should be relaxing, maybe you could watch something on Netflix to window before another week starts.
But instead, you’re lying wide awake in bed, replaying every conversation from the after work drinks on Friday.
"Did I talk too much about that work thing? They seemed quiet after I said that. Was that joke okay? Oh god, I definitely overshared about…"
You check your phone, no messages in the group chat and wonder, have they got their own group chat that i’m not in, are they talking about me?
You Google and find yourself on Reddit reading a post about how to tell if people think you’re annoying.
It’s now midnight, you have a pilates class booked at 6am and need to be up at 5am to get ready, you should be sleeping, but your brain just will not turn off.
Sound familiar?
But everyone feels this right? The Sunday Scaries, that dread that creeps in before Monday morning?
But what if what you’re feeling isn’t just about work stress or not wanting the weekend to end?
It could be something deeper, something exhausting.
So if you’re spending Sunday evening, or even any evening really, after a social interaction, replaying conversations, over analysing what you said, tirelessly looking for proof that you were ‘too much’ or didn’t say ‘enough’ or didn’t fit in ‘enough’. If you’re spending your evening Googling to seek reassurance that you’re not as terrible as your Brain insists you are, then this post is for you.
Because what you’re experiencing isn't just ‘’overthinking’’.
It’s Hyperviggilance, and once you understand that, everything can change.
Now not every Sunday looks like this
Most people with the ‘Sunday Scaries’ are thinking about:
Their meeting tomorrow morning
Work they didn’t manage to finish last week
Not wanting the weekend to end because they stayed out to late and could’ve really done with some extra time to rest
General day to day work and life stress
But…that’s not what you’re doing
If you’re still reading this then the chances are your Sunday evening looks a little bit like a step by step analysis of your social performance from the weekend
Your brain may even sound a bit like:
"Did I say that thing right at brunch?"
"They seemed annoyed when I brought up, actually, were they annoyed or am I imagining it?"
"I definitely talked too much about myself. They probably think I'm self-centered."
"That story I told, was it funny or was everyone just being polite?"
"Why did Sarah leave early? Was it because of something I said?"
"I should have asked more questions. I always talk too much."
"Do they actually like me or do they just tolerate me?"
"What if they're all texting about how annoying I was?"
And on. And on. And on.
Then you try to gather evidence
Re-reading text conversations checking the tone you used, checking the tone they used (even though it’s not a voice message)
Analysing how long people are taking to respond, counting seconds, minutes and worst case scenario…hours
Looking at social media to see if anyone posted anything about the event, trolling through every photo to see if you’re in it and if the angle is flattering
Checking if anyone's messaged you since
Googling things like "how to tell if people find you annoying" or "signs you talked too much"
Hours Pass.
You’re exhausted but you can’t seem to figure out how to stop these mental gymnastics.
Your brain is insisting that this is really important. That you need to figure out if you did something wrong. That you need to know if people are upset with you.
By the time you finally fall asleep, you are no closer to an answer, you’re just more anxious, more exhausted.
This isn’t ‘normal’ Sunday anxiety.
This is something specific, it has a name and it has a reason.
And no, you’re not ‘broken’, you’re not just ‘oversensitive’ or ‘overthinking everything’
Your nervous system is doing everything it was designed to do and everything it learned to do.
This isn’t overthinking, this is hypervigilance
Let’s be clear about something very important, something you may not have considered, this isn’t just overthinking.
So when people tell you to ‘just let it go’ or ‘just try to stop thinking about it so much’, they’re missing the point entirely.
What you're experiencing is called hypervigilance, specifically, social hypervigilance.
So what is hypervigilance?
Hypervigilance is when your nervous system is in constant threat detection mode. An evolutionary response passed down through generations, geared to keep you safe.
For some people, that looks like scanning rooms and places for physical danger. However, for you it looks like scanning conversations and social interactions for signs of rejection, judgement and proof that maybe you weren’t ‘enough’ or maybe you were the opposite…’too much.’
Your brain isn’t overthinking. It’s trying to protect you from what it perceives as a genuine threat, social rejection.
Now you might be thinking, well yeah this is all good and well, but why does my brain do this? Well here’s why:
Somewhere along the way, could have been in childhood, could have been later, your brain learned that if you were wrong it had negative social consequences.
Maybe:
Expressing yourself fully led to criticism or being told you were "too much"
Making mistakes resulted in withdrawal of love or attention
Being imperfect meant disappointment from people who mattered
You learned that acceptance was conditional on being "acceptable"
So your nervous system filed this as: Being socially ‘wrong’= Danger
Now, even in safe social situations such as spending time with family or that long awaited brunch with your girls, your brain treats interactions like threats that need to be monitored.
The Sunday Evening Processing Phase
So what's actually happening on Sunday evening?
Your brain is running its threat assessment.
All weekend, you were "on", monitoring yourself in real-time, trying to say the right things, managing how you're perceived, reading the room constantly.
Sunday evening? That's when your brain processes all the data it collected.
It's asking:
"Did we do anything that threatens our belonging?"
"Did we say something that might result in rejection?"
"Are we still safe in this social group?"
"Do we need to fix something?"
This isn't you being dramatic or paranoid. This is your nervous system trying to answer: "Am I still safe? Do I still belong?"
The Invisible Mental Load
Most people don't see the work you're doing.
They don't see the constant self-monitoring during social interactions:
Watching your tone
Monitoring how much you're talking
Reading facial expressions
Adjusting what you say based on reactions
Calculating whether you're being "too much" or "not enough"
Managing everyone's potential feelings
And they definitely don't see the hours you spend afterwards replaying everything, looking for mistakes, seeking reassurance, trying to determine if you're still acceptable.
This is exhausting work. And you're doing it alone, often in silence, because admitting it feels like admitting you're broken.
Why Sunday Specifically?
Sunday evening hits differently because:
1. The weekend condensed social interaction:
More social data = more for your brain to process
2. You're finally alone:
During the weekend, you were managing in real-time. Now your brain can "review the footage"
3. There's space and quiet:
Without distractions, your brain has room to spiral
4. Monday looms:
More social interaction is coming, which means more opportunities to "mess up"
5. You're tired:
When you're exhausted, your inner critic gets louder and your ability to reality check it weakens
The Cost
Time:
Hours every week lost to rumination
Energy:
Mental exhaustion that affects everything else
Sleep:
Lying awake replaying conversations
Relationships:
Pulling away from social situations to avoid the aftermath
Presence: Can't enjoy the actual interaction because you're monitoring it
Peace: Never feeling settled, always wondering if you messed up
Self-trust: Constantly outsourcing to others whether you're "okay"
The Advice You've Probably Heard:
"Just stop thinking about it so much."
"You're overthinking, let it go."
"No one's thinking about you as much as you think they are."
"Stop being so hard on yourself."
"They probably didn't even notice."
And if that advice worked, you'd have stopped by now. Right?
Why This Advice Fails
This advice fails because it treats your Sunday spiral as a thinking problem.
It's not.
It's a nervous system problem.
Your brain genuinely believes that social mistakes = danger to your safety and belonging. So telling you to "just stop thinking about it" is like telling someone with a panic attack to "just calm down."
It doesn't work because the threat feels real to your nervous system, even if logically, you know you're probably fine.
You Can't Logic Your Way Out of a Nervous System Response
When your nervous system is in threat mode, logic doesn't help.
You can know rationally that:
Your friends probably didn't notice the thing you said
People aren't analysing your every word
One awkward moment doesn't ruin relationships
You're probably overthinking
And still spiral anyway.
Because the spiral isn't about what you know intellectually. It's about what your nervous system believes about safety.
Understanding What You're Actually Working With
The first step is understanding what you're dealing with:
This is hypervigilance, not overthinking.
Your nervous system learned that social "mistakes" = threat. So it monitors obsessively to keep you safe.
That's not a character flaw. That's not you being dramatic or too sensitive.
That's a learned response to a perceived threat.
You can't change a pattern you don't notice.
Start paying attention to when the spiral begins:
What triggers it? (Silence from someone? A weird vibe during interaction?)
What time does it typically start? (Sunday evening? After social events?)
What does your brain scan for? (Proof you talked too much? Signs someone's annoyed?)
Just notice. Don't judge it. Don't try to stop it yet. Just see it.
When you catch yourself in the spiral, name what's happening:
"My nervous system is in threat detection mode. It's scanning for social danger because it thinks being 'wrong' socially is a threat to my safety."
Naming it creates distance.
"I'm overthinking" feels like a character flaw.
"My nervous system is hypervigilant" is something you can address
Your brain is treating this like a threat. Is it actually?
Ask yourself:
"What's the actual worst-case scenario here?"
"If they ARE annoyed, does that mean I'm fundamentally not okay?"
"Is this interaction actually as high risk as my brain insists it is?"
"Have I survived social 'mistakes' before?"
You're not trying to talk yourself out of anxiety. You're reality checking whether the threat your brain perceives is accurate.
Set a Time Limit on the Spiral
You can't always stop the spiral. But you can contain it.
"I'm going to let myself think about this for 15 minutes. After that, I'm going to [watch something, call someone, go for a walk]."
This isn't suppression. It's boundaries with your own rumination.
Get Out of Your Head
When you're spiraling, you're entirely in your head analysing past interactions.
Break the pattern by:
Physical movement: Walk, stretch, literally move your body
Grounding: 5-4-3-2-1 senses exercise
Connection: Text someone (not to seek reassurance, just to connect)
Engagement: Do something that requires focus (puzzle, cooking, reading)
These interrupt the rumination loop.
Collect Evidence You Can Trust Your Social Judgment
Your brain doesn't trust your read on social situations. So it out sources to obsessive analysis.
Start building evidence that you CAN trust yourself:
Keep a log:
"Times I thought I messed up and everything was fine"
"Social interactions where I felt okay about my judgment"
"Moments when my worry was disproportionate to reality"
Over time, this builds counter-evidence to "I can't trust my social judgment."
Practice Sitting with Uncertainty
The Sunday spiral is often trying to resolve uncertainty:
"Are they mad at me? Did I mess up? Am I still liked?"
Practice tolerating not knowing:
"I don't know if they noticed that awkward thing I said. And I'm going to sit with not knowing."
This is uncomfortable. Do it anyway.
Because the compulsive analysis is your brain trying to eliminate uncertainty and that's impossible.
When This Is More Than "Sunday Scaries"
If you relate to everything in this post, your Sunday evening anxiety might be a symptom of something that needs deeper work.
Consider getting professional support if:
✓ This happens after every social interaction (not just Sundays)
✓ You spend hours, not minutes, in rumination
✓ It's affecting your willingness to socialise
✓ You're avoiding relationships to avoid the aftermath
✓ You can't reality check it yourself anymore
✓ It's been happening for years
✓ Your quality of life is impacted
✓ You're exhausted from the mental load
What Therapy Actually Addresses
The Sunday spiral is usually a symptom of deeper patterns:
Social anxiety + hypervigilance: Your nervous system treating social interactions as threats
Low self-worth: Belief that you're "too much" or "not enough" and need to constantly monitor to stay acceptable
Conditional worth: Feeling your value depends on others' approval
Imposter syndrome in relationships: Feeling like you're faking being likeable and will be "found out"
Perfectionism: Belief that social "mistakes" are catastrophic
Therapy, particularly CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), helps by:
Understanding where the hypervigilance came from What taught your nervous system that social mistakes = danger?
Challenging the beliefs underneath "Being 'too much' = rejection" ← Is this actually true?
Addressing the nervous system response Teaching your body that social imperfection isn't actually dangerous
Building self-trust So you don't need constant external reassurance
Separating worth from social performance You're fundamentally okay even when interactions are awkward
The goal isn't to never think about social interactions. It's to stop experiencing them as threats.
What Sunday Night Spirals ARE:
✓ Hypervigilance about social belonging
✓ Your nervous system trying to protect you from perceived threat
✓ A learned response to social unsafety
✓ Exhausting and impacting your quality of life
✓ Something that makes complete sense given what you learned
✓ Treatable with the right support
What Sunday Night Spirals Are NOT:
✗ "Just overthinking"
✗ A personality flaw
✗ Being too sensitive
✗ Something you can willpower your way out of
✗ Your fault
✗ Evidence you're broken
✗ Something everyone experiences to this degree
You're Not Overthinking, You're Hypervigilant
Here's what I want you to take away from this:
If you spend Sunday evenings (or any time after social interaction) replaying conversations, analysing what you said, looking for proof you messed up, and trying to determine if people still like you, you're not "just overthinking."
You're experiencing hypervigilance.
Your nervous system learned that being socially "wrong" = danger. So it monitors obsessively, trying to keep you safe.
That's not a character flaw. That's not you being dramatic. That's a learned response to a perceived threat.
And here's the important part: learned responses can be unlearned.
You can teach your nervous system that social imperfection isn't actually dangerous.
You can build self-trust so you don't need constant analysis to know if you're okay.
You can separate your worth from whether every interaction goes perfectly.
But you can't do this alone through willpower.
If you're spending hours every week in this spiral, exhausted, anxious, unable to just be present in your relationships, that's a sign the pattern needs professional support.
Not because you're broken. But because you deserve to exist in relationships without constant threat surveillance.
You deserve Sunday evenings that feel peaceful, not punishing.
You deserve to trust yourself.
